Response - Is love enough??

Sherrie raises an important point in patient psychology, and I learned a small but vital lesson about keeping the type of animal (i.e., patient) in mind.

One of my first jobs was in a vet clinic, and I've grown up with regular interaction with cats and dogs. However, after the first day of observing several dozen horses in the paddock, I realized that I had brought an assumption about their behavior to class.

It was a surprise to remind myself that horses are prey animals. They will not act like dogs or cats, who are predators. Instead, horses will interact in a herd mentality, in which the survival mechanism runs deep. Even the placement of the horses' eyes is a critical adaptation, creating a large visual field to scan for threats.

Ultimately, the cues they look for in human direction -- such as who is the leader? -- are quite different than what predator animals might seek. This was a good reminder to me about focusing on the patient and his/her unique needs.

What is love to a horse, or to another person for that matter? Many times in class we saw people petting the horses by way of asking them to do something, like cross the scary space blanket. But the petting didn't work. The horse thought the petting meant "do just what you're doing, Good Boy!" which was standing still.

Love to a horse means protection and survival, which in turn means strong leadership. Safety around horses means that the horse looks to the human as the leader, the decision maker, and doesn't take it into his head to bolt, rear, or buck when he is afraid or uncertain.

Love for our patients doesn't mean we will overlook their self-destructive habits, prescribe them anything they ask for, allow them to violate our physical and emotional boundaries, or absolve them of the need to make responsible choices.

The trend in natural horsemanship arose in reaction to cruel and punitive methods of "breaking" horses--twitches, painful hobbles, beatings. At the other extreme, spoiling a horse results in a confused, insecure, and possibly dangerous animal. A horse's #1 priority as a prey anima is to feel safe. Most horses have as the #2 priority, food. While they can be quite affectionate and forgiving, they do not love us as a spouse or a pet loves us. (Horses are generally not pets in the domesticated sense.)

Sometimes tough love is what is needed, with horses, pets, children, patients, and colleagues. "Needed" is the operative term. What does the other individual need for his her greatest good? Sometimes that is not what -we- need to feel loved, loving, enabling, or co-dependent.